wordle 88 The Enigma of the Tramp and the Commuters

 

Through thick and mostly thin
with rare highs and frequent lows
he trudged the city street,
head down against the cold.
The insistent  rapid steps
of  well-heeled travellers
seemed to mock the broken man,
resent his unkempt presence
in their world.

At the rustle of their  passing,
he clenched his fists,
hurled silent insults;
unspoken words burst in his head
until the spasm of rage subsided
into slow despondence.

He reached the spacious square,
bordered with plane trees –
his usual resting place –
spread his newspaper
carefully along the bench
beside the city fountain.

A crust of bread and cheese
softened and mumbled
in toothless mouth,
a scavenged fag-end lit,
savoured to  ultimate shred,
hawk, spit and cough achieved,
he contemplated the stressful lives
of the hurrying people
on their cattle-truck journey to slavery
and relished his freedom.

I have a feeling this might make a better short story than prose poem, but for now it will have to do. You will find a varied collection of responses to the wordle words at The Sunday Whirl  Also linked at The Imaginary Garden

About https://vivinfrance.wordpress.com

All poetry, prose and pictures posted here, except where otherwise stated, is my own, and may only be used elsewhere with my expressed permission. Please don't be inhibited from correcting my bloopers and making suggestions: Most of what I post here is instant, ill-considered and off-the-cuff, in serious need of editing.
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26 Responses to wordle 88 The Enigma of the Tramp and the Commuters

  1. I love the reversed perspective from first verse to second where he winds up feeling more fortunate than the worker-bees! Very clever.

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  2. he contemplated the stressful lives
    of the hurrying people
    on their cattle-truck journey to slavery
    and relished his freedom… but what a price he pays for it. Heartrending poem, Viv – wonderful work.

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  3. Indeed.. who is the most free.The commuters bound on a schedule or the tramp that has nothing left to lose?.. well put..

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  4. I remember seeing this man at the Paris Metro…and the Staples Store in Palm Desert…and in the entry way to a Casino here in Reno. Prose poem or short story? This works for me, as could the other.

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  5. Sumana Roy says:

    love the vivid details and can visualize the man…

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  6. This is a wonderful portrait.

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  7. Janet says:

    I could feel and smell this poem! simply fantastic.

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  8. Mama Pajama says:

    I dig it. I think it would make a great short story, but it’s pretty good how it is, too ~ happy holidays!

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  9. barbara_ says:

    I like it as it is, but prose poem might be a good choice. “Spacious” might be better in his POV section.

    Joys to you, Viv. All you can handle
    b

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  10. Mary says:

    I do think your prose poem works very well. You have created an interesting scene and fascinating character. Good wordling, Viv!

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  11. peggygoetz says:

    This works well as a prose poem I think, though I am not really sure exactly what a prose poem entails. So, it just works well as it is!! This is as much a comment on those hurrying past as on this man. Happy Holiday to you!

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  12. Stan Ski says:

    Have to do…? It did very well for me, thank you!

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  13. A poem is a good choice. We don’t need too many facts. You have given just enough to fuel our imaginations!

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  14. anl4 says:

    I like it very much! A sad story for Christmas, but he is always present, in all seasons.

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  15. jasmine calyx says:

    This is great:
    “unspoken words burst in his head
    until the spasm of rage subsided
    into slow despondence”

    And your final stanza is killer! Really good piece, Viv. I enjoyed it.

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  16. julespaige says:

    This reminds me of an older fellow I used to watch happily searching the vast mall parking lot just for a bit of loose change to buy a cup of coffee. I did speak with him once or twice he was always pleasant though. I never did learn his name either.

    I managed two verses, the shorter a renga here:
    http://julesgemsandstuff.blogspot.com/2012/12/sunday-whirl-88-whirling-renga.html

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  17. You’ve painted such a VIVid picture, that I can see this man clearly, right down to his scavenged fag-end smoldering. Merry Christmas!

    Not Even a Mouse

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  18. This would make for an excellent short story. The tightness of the narrative does give it such intensity. I love the phrase “on the cattle-truck journey to slavery” that is such an apt description of what our lives have become especially in the United States.

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  19. Laurie Kolp says:

    Season’s Greetings!

    Very touching & vivid poem, Viv.

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  20. drpkp says:

    Oh this is a very powerful poem – I think it could be a short story as you suggest – but not “better as a short story” the tightness gives the emotions intensity and extraordinary power. Bravo!

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  21. 1sojournal says:

    I really like the portrait you created from these words. He is alive and real, and his anger and rage are understandable as they subside into slow despondence. I can see the commuters side stepping to avoid any contact, even in this season of good will and wishes.

    Elizabeth

    Before Sense, Only Sound

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  22. Funnily enough, I just read a post on a similar theme: http://weescoops.wordpress.com/2012/12/22/in-search-of-a-stable/

    I think it might be stronger if he’s nameless; that makes him invisible.

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