Through thick and mostly thin
with rare highs and frequent lows
he trudged the city street,
head down against the cold.
The insistent rapid steps
of well-heeled travellers
seemed to mock the broken man,
resent his unkempt presence
in their world.
At the rustle of their passing,
he clenched his fists,
hurled silent insults;
unspoken words burst in his head
until the spasm of rage subsided
into slow despondence.
He reached the spacious square,
bordered with plane trees –
his usual resting place –
spread his newspaper
carefully along the bench
beside the city fountain.
A crust of bread and cheese
softened and mumbled
in toothless mouth,
a scavenged fag-end lit,
savoured to ultimate shred,
hawk, spit and cough achieved,
he contemplated the stressful lives
of the hurrying people
on their cattle-truck journey to slavery
and relished his freedom.
I have a feeling this might make a better short story than prose poem, but for now it will have to do. You will find a varied collection of responses to the wordle words at The Sunday Whirl Also linked at The Imaginary Garden
I love the reversed perspective from first verse to second where he winds up feeling more fortunate than the worker-bees! Very clever.
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he contemplated the stressful lives
of the hurrying people
on their cattle-truck journey to slavery
and relished his freedom… but what a price he pays for it. Heartrending poem, Viv – wonderful work.
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Indeed.. who is the most free.The commuters bound on a schedule or the tramp that has nothing left to lose?.. well put..
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I remember seeing this man at the Paris Metro…and the Staples Store in Palm Desert…and in the entry way to a Casino here in Reno. Prose poem or short story? This works for me, as could the other.
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Sadly, the homeless are increasing exponentially in Britain. Housing is beyond the reach of jobless and even low-paid workers.
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love the vivid details and can visualize the man…
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This is a wonderful portrait.
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I could feel and smell this poem! simply fantastic.
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I dig it. I think it would make a great short story, but it’s pretty good how it is, too ~ happy holidays!
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I like it as it is, but prose poem might be a good choice. “Spacious” might be better in his POV section.
Joys to you, Viv. All you can handle
b
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I do think your prose poem works very well. You have created an interesting scene and fascinating character. Good wordling, Viv!
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This works well as a prose poem I think, though I am not really sure exactly what a prose poem entails. So, it just works well as it is!! This is as much a comment on those hurrying past as on this man. Happy Holiday to you!
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Have to do…? It did very well for me, thank you!
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A poem is a good choice. We don’t need too many facts. You have given just enough to fuel our imaginations!
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I like it very much! A sad story for Christmas, but he is always present, in all seasons.
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This is great:
“unspoken words burst in his head
until the spasm of rage subsided
into slow despondence”
And your final stanza is killer! Really good piece, Viv. I enjoyed it.
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Thank you, Jasmine
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This reminds me of an older fellow I used to watch happily searching the vast mall parking lot just for a bit of loose change to buy a cup of coffee. I did speak with him once or twice he was always pleasant though. I never did learn his name either.
I managed two verses, the shorter a renga here:
http://julesgemsandstuff.blogspot.com/2012/12/sunday-whirl-88-whirling-renga.html
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You’ve painted such a VIVid picture, that I can see this man clearly, right down to his scavenged fag-end smoldering. Merry Christmas!
Not Even a Mouse
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This would make for an excellent short story. The tightness of the narrative does give it such intensity. I love the phrase “on the cattle-truck journey to slavery” that is such an apt description of what our lives have become especially in the United States.
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Season’s Greetings!
Very touching & vivid poem, Viv.
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Oh this is a very powerful poem – I think it could be a short story as you suggest – but not “better as a short story” the tightness gives the emotions intensity and extraordinary power. Bravo!
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Thank you pkp – I am relieved, as the poem seemed to need filling out but I don’t like long wordy poems.
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I really like the portrait you created from these words. He is alive and real, and his anger and rage are understandable as they subside into slow despondence. I can see the commuters side stepping to avoid any contact, even in this season of good will and wishes.
Elizabeth
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Funnily enough, I just read a post on a similar theme: http://weescoops.wordpress.com/2012/12/22/in-search-of-a-stable/
I think it might be stronger if he’s nameless; that makes him invisible.
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Yes, you’re right. The name slipped into last night’s draft, which went in a slightly different direction this morning. I’m still working on him.
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