for Octpowrimo Day 3
mental capacity in reduction
freedom of choice in diminution
mobile liberty deprivation
all contribute to my frustration
shame at my grumpy lack of appreciation
of all that he’s obliged to do for me
guilt for my ingratitude
in huffing at his patient resignation
a lose-lose situation.
Here is my letting-off-steam freewrite on shopping with Jock –
He doesn’t read labels, sighs and moans when I search exhaustively for the right product at the right price – feeling like a long-term prisoner because I have no choice of where and when and how “we” shop. Deprived of the freedom to get in the car and drive wherever and whenever I want to. No place for whim or changing mind.
Missing the supermarket familiar over 20 years, because they’ve enlarged and enlarged it so that I am unable to walk the distances from car to entrance and from section to section.
List making: my mind doesn’t work like that; it needs the stimulation of seeing what’s on offer; the reminder of what I’ve forgotten.
A wheelchair piled misery upon misery – wheeled willy nilly – Stop – too late – back up. Can’t reach – no not that one, the one on the left/right – too big – too small – wrong make – oh hell, take anything.
The new supermarket of Jock’s choice doesn’t have the brands I know and love, is laid out in illogical bays so that everywhere has to be searched backwards and forwards.
The shame of being banished from the checkout to “go and sit in the car” – a physical necessity, but mental degradation; shame at my ingratitude for wayward choices, items missed, inappropriate makes or quantities. Shopping packed any old how. Tomatoes squashed, small items lost. Putting it away at home is a nightmare – I’m too done in – so Jock does it and later I can find nothing.
The guilt is the worst – at the need for Jock to do so much;. I despair. Too weary for words.
Octpowrimo 2015 Day 3’s prompt:- Free write for ten minutes about what drains you, what depletes your energy and makes you want to stay away from the page and what you do to change or transform it to help you get your words written. After you are finished, choose some or all of it and create a shape poem, that is when you arrange the words to create a shape and you can find samples on Shadow Poetry. The shape can be anything that you want it to be.