Shopping with Jock

for Octpowrimo Day 3

Physical dilapidation
mental capacity in reduction
freedom of choice in diminution
mobile liberty deprivation
all contribute to my frustration
shame at my grumpy lack of appreciation
of all that he’s obliged to do for me
guilt for my ingratitude
in huffing at his patient resignation
a lose-lose situation.

Here is my letting-off-steam freewrite on shopping with Jock –

He doesn’t read labels, sighs and moans when I search exhaustively for the right product at the right price – feeling like a long-term prisoner because  I have no choice of where and when and how “we” shop.  Deprived of the freedom to get in the car and drive wherever and whenever I want to. No place for whim or changing mind.

Missing the supermarket familiar over 20 years, because they’ve enlarged and enlarged it so that I am unable to walk the distances from car to entrance and from section to section.
List making:  my mind doesn’t work like that; it needs the stimulation of seeing what’s on offer; the reminder of what I’ve forgotten.

A wheelchair piled misery upon misery – wheeled willy nilly – Stop – too late – back up.  Can’t reach – no not that one, the one on the left/right – too big – too small – wrong make – oh hell, take anything.

The new supermarket of Jock’s choice doesn’t have the brands I know and love, is laid out in illogical bays so that everywhere has to be searched backwards and forwards.

The shame of being banished from the checkout to “go and sit in the car”  –  a physical necessity, but mental degradation;  shame at my ingratitude for wayward choices, items missed, inappropriate makes or quantities. Shopping packed any old how. Tomatoes squashed, small items lost.  Putting it away at home is a nightmare – I’m too done in – so Jock does it and later I can find nothing.

The guilt is the worst – at the need for Jock to do so much;.  I despair.  Too weary for words.

Octpowrimo 2015   Day 3’s prompt:- Free write for ten minutes about what drains you, what depletes your energy and makes you want to stay away from the page and what you do to change or transform it to help you get your words written. After you are finished, choose some or all of it and create a shape poem, that is when you arrange the words to create a shape and you can find samples on Shadow Poetry. The shape can be anything that you want it to be.

 

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All poetry, prose and pictures posted here, except where otherwise stated, is my own, and may only be used elsewhere with my expressed permission. Please don't be inhibited from correcting my bloopers and making suggestions: Most of what I post here is instant, ill-considered and off-the-cuff, in serious need of editing.
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22 Responses to Shopping with Jock

  1. catterel says:

    Everything I’d have said is already here – so here’s a big hug for each of you. And all my sympathy xx

    Like

  2. tialys says:

    I am fortunate enough not to be in your position (yet) but I do have a very good imagination and I can only say that the thought of being at the mercy of my husband (or children) anywhere is vaguely horrifying. Not because I would fear for my life or anything but none of them are the most tolerant of people and I can almost hear the huffing and puffing and see the rolling of eyes from here :/ When my Mum comes to visit she uses Special Assistance at the airport because both London Gatwick and Toulouse are enormous and, Easyjet being an economy airline, the aircraft is always put on one of the stands furthest away. She hates having to use it even though she is 83. Sometimes I get cross with her because I know she hasn’t waited for them to come and help her and done it alone but you have articulated very well what she must feel so I’ll be more understanding next time!
    I do think they do internet shopping in France now but, down here at least, you order it online and have to go and collect it from a special pick up point. Although, like me, you probably prefer to see what you are getting in advance.
    Lots of hugs to you and Jock. x x

    Liked by 1 person

    • You’ve got it in one about the eye rolling!
      Tell your Mum that there are lots of benefits to the special assistance: you get to meet some very nice assisters, who’ll look after your stuff, and even get you a drink if you ask nicely. Yyou don’t have to queue to go through security and you arrive much fresher than if you’d struggled by yourself. I’m all for it!
      Leclerc has an order and collect service, but I do need to see what I’m buying, and find the memory is jogged by seeing things I’ve forgotten to put on the list.

      Thank you for your lovely comment.

      Liked by 1 person

  3. You’re not an ungrateful cow at all and are completely allowed to vent every so often. Because it is frustrating, no matter how kind or patient Jock might or might not be on any given day. It IS frustrating and annoying to not be able to do things yourself, your way. A gentle hug to you dear Viv.
    and to Jock.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Venting is absolutely necessary. It’s good for the body to release that tension. We all think it and say it to ourselves. I have not been able to drive very far for almost 6 years and I’m only 67. What is still waiting for me. I can do 20 miles each way early in the day. Then fatigue overtakes me and I start to spin mercilessly. Shopping with someone else is always difficult. Some of our stores have electric carts but you can only get a few things in the basket. Getting old is a bitch in so many ways. I have my children close. No husband but it doesn’t matter. At one time I loved to help my mother shop. She hated to have me help. I enjoyed giving back something to her for raising me. I felt privileged to help. Now I’m the one in need of help. 😦 I try to accept it graciously but I’d rather do things myself. I hear you loud and clear. You get to share so we feel better about it too. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    • Oh thank you so much for your understanding comment. My children are in another country so without Jock I would be in the soup. I really regret parting with my little car, but don’t have the courage to drive Jock’s big beefy Citroen he’s so proud of but which I struggle to get in and out of. There, that’s two prepositions I’ve ended a sentence with!!!

      Liked by 1 person

      • I’m notorious about ending sentences with a preposition. It’s the lazy American language. Dangling participles are my middle name. I do understand only too well. I drove my son’s little Passat today. I drive the beefy beast. 🙂 I don’t like the little car. I can’t see anything out of it. It’s what we get used to I’m guessing.

        Liked by 1 person

  5. Oh my God – misery – and YES those distances it is the same in the airports now – MILES to walk. And I HATE being forced to go to a new supermarket, John has his favourite and have mine and I am ALWAYS lost when we have to go to his one. How awful having to rely on some one to push you up and down, that would make me crazy too, no matter how kind and generous that person was… Wish it were me though, Wish i could help.. I suppose you do not have a supermarket that will deliver.. I loved how they would do that in england.. it was my favourite way to shop.. no such luck here though.. c

    Liked by 1 person

  6. This is terrible for you and Jock, too…I wish it were easier for you both. Shopping can definitely be draining for lots of reasons…especially, for me, because I do read labels as well…there’re certain ingredients I’d rather avoid.

    Liked by 1 person

  7. katechiconi says:

    Oh Viv, I just wanted to give you a big hug when I read this. I have the same to look forward to…. I feel such guilt at asking the Husband to do things when he gets home from a long, hard day’s work, but it has to be done; our bodies let us down in the end. Do you feel better for venting, or has it just brought to the surface everything you’ve been managing to carefully suppress…?

    Liked by 1 person

  8. Bastet says:

    Oh my dear Vivi … some of what you write is all too familiar … and yes … it depletes ones energy very much not being as independent as one used to be.

    Liked by 1 person

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