The Train to Cornwall

Miz Quickly has given us a superb exercise in editing an old poem.  I’ve printed her instructions to stick on my wall.

This was  almost the first poem posted on my blog, in 2010,  a mash-up from my Unfinished Poems file, including some lines written on a train, the start of an unrelated sestina, some more  written on waking from a very vivid dream and a very corny attempt to be an old-fashioned poet instead of just old!  I leave you to work out which is which! Much  drivel was banished to the recycle bin, and these few lines are all that remains.


The Train to Cornwall


Alchemy turns green to gold in temperate zones.
The cold that follows bares the bones
of trees  in austere dignity.

Almost imperceptibly
buds erupt to haze of green
dotted with palest primrose.

Folded fields and wooded combes
thin to crouching tortured trunks
as Cornwall calls me home.


All poetry, prose and pictures posted here, except where otherwise stated, is my own, and may only be used elsewhere with my expressed permission. Please don't be inhibited from correcting my bloopers and making suggestions: Most of what I post here is instant, ill-considered and off-the-cuff, in serious need of editing.
This entry was posted in free verse, nature poems, song lyric and tagged , . Bookmark the permalink.

5 Responses to The Train to Cornwall

  1. colonialist says:

    Some very nicely manoeuvred words!

    Liked by 1 person

  2. I really like the opening with alchemy. Wonderful poem, Viv!

    Liked by 1 person

  3. julespaige says:

    I’m not good at guessing. I’ll just say that there is something very poetic about trains and trees.
    And very dignified people of any age 😉

    Thanks for stopping by… at least I saved my own characters 😉

    Liked by 1 person

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