Ageing on the inside – a tritina

As my years increase
choices shrink
slip out of reach

Not quite within reach
frustration increases
as I shrink

As my freedom shrinks
the desire to reach
the top shelf increases

Envoi:
Increase the shrinkage of the world to reach serenity.

http://dversepoets.com/2012/08/30/form-for-all-on-tritinas/   Sam Peralta set the bar high at the poet’s pub: to write a tritina, which is a quasi half sestina.  I thought it would be a doddle.  Think again, Viv.  After pages of ideas worked on and scrapped, this was the feeble best I could come up with.  I must be getting old.  

About https://vivinfrance.wordpress.com

All poetry, prose and pictures posted here, except where otherwise stated, is my own, and may only be used elsewhere with my expressed permission. Please don't be inhibited from correcting my bloopers and making suggestions: Most of what I post here is instant, ill-considered and off-the-cuff, in serious need of editing.
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20 Responses to Ageing on the inside – a tritina

  1. This doesn’t even feel like form…well written, Viv….I was feeling achy and started some yoga this week…again…on again off again relationship with exercise…it seems to help.

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  2. hedgewitch says:

    Know the feeling, viv. Been in bed all day with an aching hip that doesn’t want to work properly. But still, we keep reaching, and sometimes we’ve gotten crafty enough to shake that stuff down off the top shelf with a broom handle so we don’t have to reach. ;_)

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    • viv blake says:

      Sorry about the hip – I get that the moment I set out for my forced march: it really doesn’t want to go. A wooden spoon is my poker-downer at home, and almost any passer-by in the supermarket.

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  3. Oh… I love this! Sometimes I feel this way too, the universe expanding out of my reach. But it may be as you say, it isn’t the universe but I myself shrinking. The tritina can be a bit tricky, but I think you did yourself proud on this one. And the point of the first date is to get to know the form a little better, isn’t it? That way, on the second and third dates, you and the tritina will be much more familiar with each other.

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  4. I’m going to scold you, Viv. You scold yourself or apologise for your writing too often. This is fine as I see it and I do relate to it. I do the same though, expecting every poem to be Nobel prize material. Nope, better not scold you afterall.

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  5. tigerbrite says:

    I think this a pretty brilliant.
    Know how you feel 😦

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  6. Yousei Hime says:

    How clever. The word choices shifted to create so many wonderful meanings. I’ve tried form like this, and make them clunk around. Yours danced. Bravo.

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  7. kkkkaty says:

    Translating in a few words what took me more than I like to admit in writing my tritina…and getting the point across even better…

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  8. brian miller says:

    i feel you in this, the less we have the further we stretch…particularly like the 3rd stanza…i like the nod to simplicity as well in your final line…

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  9. Life and it’s opportunities we miss when out of hand.

    Ladies love lunch

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