As my years increase
choices shrink
slip out of reach
Not quite within reach
frustration increases
as I shrink
As my freedom shrinks
the desire to reach
the top shelf increases
Envoi:
Increase the shrinkage of the world to reach serenity.
http://dversepoets.com/2012/08/30/form-for-all-on-tritinas/ Sam Peralta set the bar high at the poet’s pub: to write a tritina, which is a quasi half sestina. I thought it would be a doddle. Think again, Viv. After pages of ideas worked on and scrapped, this was the feeble best I could come up with. I must be getting old.
This doesn’t even feel like form…well written, Viv….I was feeling achy and started some yoga this week…again…on again off again relationship with exercise…it seems to help.
Poor achy Hannah. I hope the yoga does the trick.
I thought it would but I feel more achy …only in a dif better muscle way!! lol Trading aches!
Oh, and thank you, Viv!
Know the feeling, viv. Been in bed all day with an aching hip that doesn’t want to work properly. But still, we keep reaching, and sometimes we’ve gotten crafty enough to shake that stuff down off the top shelf with a broom handle so we don’t have to reach. ;_)
Sorry about the hip – I get that the moment I set out for my forced march: it really doesn’t want to go. A wooden spoon is my poker-downer at home, and almost any passer-by in the supermarket.
Oh… I love this! Sometimes I feel this way too, the universe expanding out of my reach. But it may be as you say, it isn’t the universe but I myself shrinking. The tritina can be a bit tricky, but I think you did yourself proud on this one. And the point of the first date is to get to know the form a little better, isn’t it? That way, on the second and third dates, you and the tritina will be much more familiar with each other.
Hope so. Thanks Sam.
I’m going to scold you, Viv. You scold yourself or apologise for your writing too often. This is fine as I see it and I do relate to it. I do the same though, expecting every poem to be Nobel prize material. Nope, better not scold you afterall.
Slapped wrist, Viv. But sometimes I give up the struggle and press “publish” when I know I have not done as well as I should have.
I think this a pretty brilliant.
Know how you feel
How clever. The word choices shifted to create so many wonderful meanings. I’ve tried form like this, and make them clunk around. Yours danced. Bravo.
Hmmm dancing words sounds like an excellent idea. Thanks.
Translating in a few words what took me more than I like to admit in writing my tritina…and getting the point across even better…
As Victoria said, don’t put yourself down: yours was marvellous!
i feel you in this, the less we have the further we stretch…particularly like the 3rd stanza…i like the nod to simplicity as well in your final line…
Life and it’s opportunities we miss when out of hand.
Ladies love lunch
Rather melancholy
I’m feeling melancholy. I didn’t have my sticks when I walked up to the village, had to stop about 20 times en route, and am now going to lie down for about 2 days. (slight exaggeration but with several grains of truth)
Poor Viv! You should have turned round and gone home. Make sure you rest properly. xxx