Trifecta asks us for an incipit – which is what I call a hook – for a book in 33 words. I took it further and worked out a possible continuation and a couple of alternative 33 word hooks.
A Rubic cube was her only toy, given to her in the home by a visiting social worker. She didn’t know how to play with it, but liked it for the bright colours.
Possible plot: a story about the adult Mary, interspersed with flashbacks of her childhood. Mary grows into the Earth mother type of woman who over-compensates for her early life totally devoid of affection, in stark contrast to the warm and loving role model of her foster mum. She wraps her family in an almost stifling blanket of housewifely arts, home cooking and over-active interest in her children’s doings until they rebel and escape to make their own lives.
Alternative hooks:
A silver locket and chain was round her neck when the Priest found her in the porch at Trinity Church. A lock of blond hair was curled round inside. Her mother’s? Who knows?
*
A tattered copy of Black Beauty, spattered with her tears over the years since she stole it from the school library. She had thought the books were free, never having handled any money.
I think your first one is the one, for sure. The pop-culture reference, the little bit of sadness, the little bit of hope. That’s a lot in one line.
Three good hooks. I particularly like the last one, the idea that she thought the books were free.
By far I prefer the Black Beauty book incipit. It leaves everything wide open and allows the reader to form a few basic visuals of their own.
My heart goes out to the little one…and I want to know more of her story. Well done.
I’m brand new to Trifecta and am digging in to all these amazing posts.
Also following you, as I love what I am reading!
xo
Christine
@thatgalkiki
Thank you, Christine. I shall probably write some more about her, as the character came into my head fully-formed.
I like the way, by reading all of your responses, we get a clear picture of how you want to start your book–with the description of an ordinary object that is turned extraordinary simply because this child’s upbringing didn’t involve it. Clever. I like the money, I think. Or the Rubic cube. I can’t decide.
Thanks for linking up!
My favorite is She thought the books were free, never having handled any money. Completely intriguing.
Looks like I’m hooked into what’s to become a gut-wrenching story! Nice…
I like all three, but I think my favorite bit is the last line about the girl never having handled money. Says a lot of interesting things about her.
Great hook! The possible plot sounds very interesting.
Perfect opening – You tell so much here, so quickly.
though the story is sad, it has a bright speck to it, even if it’s the simple colors of a rubic cube
It’s a sad beginning, but I’m curious how she ended up there. I also like the silver locket sentence.
The possible plot is saddening but the opening is a hook.
Goodness me, so much in those tiny 33 words! lovely work.. c
Get writing, Viv!
I may keep this for Nanowrimo in November.
Sounds like a sad story but maybe there’s some hope there. The Rubik’s cube is a nice hook.